Heartfelt Ceremonies ~ Fun Quotes

AnonLove is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.	Woody AllenI was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
FreudThe great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What... does a woman want?"	Samuel Johnson Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
Woody Allen To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering one must not love. But then one suffers from not loving. Therefore to love is to suffer, not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer. To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer. But suffering makes one unhappy. Therefore, to be unhappy one must love, or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness. I hope you're getting this down.	Agatha Christie An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
AnonYou can't put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories.	Melanie Clark Shopping is better than sex. At least if you're not satisfied, you can exchange it for something you really like.
Albert Einstein Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.	AnonMen make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.
AnonYou know it's love when you want to keep holding hands even after you're sweaty.	AnonThe four most important words in any marriage..."I'll do the dishes."
AnonNo man is truly married until he understands every word his wife is NOT saying.	AnonMen only have two faults....What they do, and what they say!
AnonYou can't buy love on eBay.	Bette Midler If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?
Brendan Francis A man is already halfway in love with any woman who listens to him.	Cathy Carlyle Love is an electric blanket with somebody else in control of the switch.
CherThe trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing -- and then marry him.	CherMen aren't necessities, they're luxuries.
Emma Bombeck Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.	George Carlin Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.
Groucho Marx I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.	Henry Kissinger Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.
Jean Kerr Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.	Joan Crawford Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your heart or burn down your house, you can never tell.
Joan Rivers Trust your husband, adore your husband, and get as much as you can in your own name.	Natalie Wood The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he's a baby.
Oscar Wilde Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humour in the woman.	Shelley Winters All marriages are happy. It's trying to live together afterwards that causes all the problems.
W Somerset Maughan Love is only a dirty trick played on us to achieve continuation of the species.	Pauline Thompson Love is blind -- marriage is the eye-opener.
AnonLove is like war: Easy to begin but hard to end.	MirabeauLove has the power of making you believe what you would normally treat with the deepest suspicion.
Oliver Wendell Holmes, Snr I should like to see any kind of a man, distinguishable from a gorilla, that some good and even pretty woman could not shape a husband out of.	Edgar Watson Howe A woman might as well propose: her husband will claim she did
Rita Rudner I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life	Mae West Do not marry a man to reform him. That is what reform schools are for.
Don Fraser A happy home is one in which each spouse grants the possibility that the other may be right, though neither believes it	AnonIf love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Mae West Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.	AnonThere are three kinds of men who do not understand women: Young, old, and middle-aged.
Alice Reppler We cannot really love anybody without whom we never laugh.	Alf Whit I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soulmate -- but looking for her is much more difficult than just staying at home and ordering another pizza.
David Bissonette I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.	H. L. Mencken Happiness is the china shop; love is the bull.
Pearl Bailey What the world really needs is more love and less paper work.	Helen Rowland A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve is extracted
Joyce Brothers No matter how love-sick a woman is, she shouldn't take the first pill that comes along.	Rita Rudner Whenever I date a guy, I think, is the man that I want my children to spend their weekends with?
Oscar Wilde The man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that she took him.	AnonGetting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.
Germain Greer Bachelor: The most threatened group in human societies as in animal societies is the unmated male; the unmated male is more likely to wind up in prison or in an asylum or dead than his mated counterpart. He is less likely to be promoted at work and he is considered a poor credit risk.	Germain Greer Inhibition: Yet if a woman never lets herself go, how will she ever know how far she might have got? If she never takes off her high-heeled shoes, how will she ever know how far she could walk or how fast she could run?
Ambrose Beirce Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.	AnonNobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
Charlotte Whitton Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.	Mel Gibson I love women. They're the best thing ever created. If they want to be like men and come down to our level, that's fine.
David Niven I wonder why it is, that young men are always cautioned against bad girls. Anyone can handle a bad girl. It's the good girls men should be warned against.	Edgar Watson Howe One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.
Samuel Butler Brigands demand your money or your life; women require both.	Rodney Dangerfield My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Molly McGee When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason.	Micky Rooney Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day.
Helen Rowland In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice that still continues.	Rita Rudner I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewellery.
Henry Youngman I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.	Laurence J Peter It's better to have loved and lost than to do forty pounds of laundry a week.
John Barrymore Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock.	Robert Frost Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.
Lily Tomlin If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question?	Faith Whittlesey Remember, Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels.
Rita Rudner In Holywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts the milk.	Ingrid Burgman A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.
And Lastly ~ Why Do Opposites Attract? Nicknames If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes. Eating Out When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in £20, even though it's only for £32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.. Money A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs. A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale. Bathrooms A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .. The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items. Arguments A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. Future A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. Success A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. Marriage A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does. Dressing Up A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals. Natural Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.. Women somehow deteriorate during the night. Offspring Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. Thought For The Day A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

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Creating and Performing Unique Ceremonies Anywhere, Anytime

Fun Quotes

Nicknames

Eating Out

Money

Bathrooms

Arguments

Future

Success

Marriage

Dressing Up

Natural

Offspring

Thought For The Day